# Preface
This is part 3 of a (hopefully) 3-part series reflecting on my three years since my faculty job search. You can find part 1, about my postdoc year (including a longer preface), [here](./8-third-year-part-1-postdoc.html).
### Internal versus external narratives
I want to remind readers that what follows is very much a reflection and exploration of my own internal narratives at the time I was going through things. From an external observer, it may very well be that I was objectively doing much better during the postdoc and first faculty years than I felt I was (looking back, that seems to be somewhat clear).
But the external narrative is easier to access; what's not public is the internal narrative, which is why I'm writing this. I want to demystify various misconceptions that things might come easy, and show that things can be hard, yet that they're doable. And I want to emphasize that my anxieties and stress have caused some of my successes, but that does not make it okay; I do not want to be a "successful" person if it comes at the cost of being constantly anxious, doing work in survival mode. Finally, I want readers who are/were on similar paths to feel seen, and to feel like they can also do it. And I'll admit, I want to feel seen too.
# Part 3: Year 2 as faculty
*coming soon*
